I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I know her cup size but not her name....
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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