We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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