hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
