Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
