in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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