people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
