and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
