The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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