Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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