handjob tips. give me some.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
