Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize