i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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