theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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