Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
