definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
