Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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