I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
