if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
