he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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