Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
