I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
