wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
