so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
