I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize