Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Randomize
