You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
