its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
