I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
