It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
