Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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