Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just found puke in my bra..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
