the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
