Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I could fuck to npr.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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