please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
