A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
How's work?
Spinning.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
