I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
