who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Terrible idea I love it
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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