When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
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I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
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you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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