"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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