I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
