I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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