Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
