census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
