i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
