Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
