I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
