Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
