I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
