I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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