Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
