I'm going to jail i love you
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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