did you get engaged???
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
