It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
