I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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