Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
