somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
