grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
