do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
