seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
