I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
