If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize