One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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