So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
