Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
