Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
