***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
