i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
