I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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