why didn't you poke me back
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
