mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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