ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
honey bunches of taint.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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