Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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