More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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