i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
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just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
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Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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