I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
