First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
