every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
